The beginning

Hello World
      I've always imagined writing a book but life is too busy & crazy so this is my way. I have a degree in Literature so I know story telling is way of coping with many things for many people. One of my dearest, dearest friends has said for years that I should write 'my story' down: 1. to help myself & cope, 2. no one can make up the things I've gone through, & 3. maybe I can help someone else.
So here it goes. I remember many things about my childhood, some good, most not but the most important fact I have learned about my life & my beginning is that I was an unwanted child. That is so hard to type & harder to read, but in my heart I believe it to be true and now as a mother myself, the more I know it is true.

     An Unwanted Child can mean many different things & can be dealt with in many different ways as well. Let's start with first A Wanted Child: long awaited, dreamt of, hoped for, anticipated with great joy, named & nursed from day one: these are all terms that can be used for a wanted child. So now back to the unwanted child. I believe there are 3 kinds. The first kind is the aborted - quickly averted & abandoned. The second kind is given the gift of adoption - that way although unwanted, the child is given the hope of being wanted by others. An adopted child may at times feel 'unwanted' by their birth parents - but they can have some redemption in knowing that the parents who raised them wanted them from the moment they were held. The last kind is the truly unwanted - unwanted & unloved from the moment of conception & birth, seen always as 'a pebble in a shoe' of life. When I heard that term in the movie "Ever After", I was blown away that that one phrase was a summation of my life. I knew it, I felt it, and I finally understood that I was the pebble in my mother's shoe and always had been.
Do I wish I had been aborted or adopted? Aborted - no, Adopted - don't know but probably no to that too.    
   That is all for today.