Hello World
As I look back at my teen years, there are so many odds and ends to reflect on. I shared a bathroom with brothers, had no sisters but had some amazing sister-friends along the way. I've had several friends I grew up with tell me now-later that they knew/saw all that was happening. I had another friend, tell me to write a book....because no one would believe all the things that were happening to me. And yet, another friend tell me she is continually amazed that I have become the person I have become.
I can honestly say that I retreated to my room in joy as it was the only place in the house that was all mine. I sat and read books, listened to music, sang, drew pictures, played with hair and makeup and dreamt of the life I prayed would someday would hopefully come my way. I do not lie when I say, I somewhat lived in believing the fantasy of Disney, princesses & their princes, fairies, lands of love. Yes my mother consistently yelled that I had to face reality and get out of my dream world, but considering that my reality consisted of daily humiliation, verbal & physical abuse; any escape was an escape. I read many books of damsels being rescued by a dashing prince which my mom said were untrue. I read that the little ugly duckling would become a swan....and I so, wanted to feel pretty, be pretty. My brother half jokingly said once, "You have the face only a mother would love but funny thing is she doesn't" ...that was my world.
I feel most girls dream of who their prince will be? What will he look like? What will he do? Will he completely love me as I am, when my own family cannot see 'me' or accept the 'me' I am? Again like other young teens we have crushes on the people we admire on TV, movies or in our music. Teen Beat was a must for me. To see smiling faces & pretty faces was confirmation that there was happiness out there somewhere. I wasn't pretty & even today have issues with that. But I was something: funny - outgoing - creative - athletic and good too. What all that got me was popularity and great friends. Somehow the person I was a little bit awesome. Little by little I learned to 'switch gears' - the school & friend me vs the home me. I actually spent more time at school than home. Slowly my mom noticed that I was happy to be at school, happy to be away at friends, happy to leave for summer camps, happy to be anywhere but home. That realization only became another reason for confrontation & more battles......
That will be the next installment.......confrontations, battles, & bruises....
